Adolescents in the town of Crimel. Most people are loggers, but there are a few farmers, bakers, druids, and priests. It’s the third month of rain. The area gets damn toasty in the summer. No snow or that type of bullshit. Farmer’s paradise. Pineapples and bananas growing beside traditional crops. Overall, a nice comfortable place for halflings to live. Pretty much only halflings live there, and tall folk are few and far between. One stays at the inn. Everyone ignores him. The nearest city is Baylor, but you have never needed to leave Crimel. The town has one tavern and one primary store. Most people go years without spending a coin since most things are done for barter. The woodmen only cut down trees allowed by the druid (Nola Treestump). All the women put a ribbon around one lock of hair.

There’s no real central government.  At the end of your days, if you’re not with a god or goddess, you just become a brick in the wall of the Wall of Souls.

If you’re not careful, you’ll get “mouthed” by the tall mouthers whose favorite food are halflings.

Year 1384: Glug was asked by Hampton Gooldwillow to go to the tavern (Troll) because the Mayor (Silvo) was asking for him. Then, Hampton went to ask Wally the same thing. A rather bulky halfling came up to Poppy in the poppy fields to let her know that the Mayor also asked for her at the Troll. She was one of the march wardens Belba Hufflehedge, a soldier who kept the area safe. Tomble was also visited by Belba to go to the Troll.

The mayor sat with the proprietor Rory and the cleric Huban standing nearby. They waved the four newcomers over. On the table before them was different drawings with boxes and squares, almost like a map. They mentioned they were planning the Springfest party. They wanted to start back the tradition of the trollhead pie, made with trollhead mushrooms. It used to be a tradition, but the woods weren’t safe enough for the last twenty years. They said that the oldest and brightest of the under 20’s would always go. The mushrooms grow in the woods and grow about to the size of a troll’s head. It was a tradition before the mouthers for the oldest of the children to go get the biggest one they could find. It was only ripe right after the rains.

They agreed after being promised two slices and two drinks each. Something occurred to Tomble. Three of the leaders were here: the mayor, the cleric, and the tavern owner. But the druid Nola Treestump was mysteriously missing from the meeting. She tried to question it, but Glug cut her off and told her that they needed to leave right away. as they were preparing to head out, Tomble realized that they had no idea what the mushroom looked like. Poppy concluded that it would probably be the largest. Poppy brought a shovel, a hand sickle, and a mushroom knife. Tomble brought her wood cutting axe. Glut brought loads of food, mostly bread products, smoked salt, and the third-favorite pan. Wally packed a large empty bag.

They reached the edge of town around mid-day and set out into the rain. It was nasty and wet. They passed a few lumberjacks coming in from the treeline. As they followed the trail that the loggers mostly use, they saw the nearby stream. They setup camp to eat supper. They found a slightly covered nook of roots. Still muddy and wet but slightly covered. They camped overnight, and it was still raining in the morning.

They reached the edge of the woods. They were dark and creepy, but no imminent threats. Poppy asked one of the lumberjacks if they could borrow a lantern. A young woman halfling who was working the camp was concerned and skeptical but gave them a lantern to borrow. They didn’t have to worry about mouthers but there were all sorts of other dangers.

They entered the woods. It was quieter. There were drips but the general rain was blocked by the canopy above. Everything was wet. The ground and trees were soaked, and there were mushrooms every now and then. They walked for a few hours, and everything generally looked the same. Poppy shared that most mushrooms live where there is rot and moist soil.

Wally saw movement ahead. A deer looked like it was chewing on a branch, but the branch was moving weird. Another one of the tree branches moved gently around the deer. There was a moment of startlement as the branch wrapped around the deer. Tomble grabbed the collars of Wally and Glug and yoinked them away from the dark tree. They resemble Cyprus trees but with slightly darker bark and dark moss. Poppy felt its eyes. They were just wrong.

As they backed away and hiked along, they found some saucer-sized disks. As the light grew dimmer, Poppy lit their lantern. Glug looked down a hill, and they saw mushrooms upon mushrooms. In the middle of a bunch of smaller mushrooms, was a flat, thin, white, large mushroom.

About ten feet up off the ground on the tree was a large big black mushroom. Poppy attempted to climb to no success. Then, they tried to stack unsuccessfully. Tomble climbed onto Glug’s back, and after many failed attempts, Poppy climbed up the two of them and cleanly cleaved the bark underneath the mushroom. Poppy lowered it down to Wally, who very much didn’t catch it. The mushroom split cleanly in half as soon as it hit the ground. Wally stuffed the two halves into his large empty bag.

There was a crunch. Poppy lifted her foot. There was a broken skull. Poppy realized that most if not all the “small white mushrooms” were actually skulls. They had an extensive argument about if the white mushroom actually looked like a trollshead and decided against it.

They fruitlessly struggled to find shelter for a while, but Tomble found a spot where the ground sloped and a wide, accessible branch. There were some nearby branches of foliage. As they got their food out, the lantern light ran out, and they were plunged into darkness. As they lied there and started to fall asleep, there was a sudden light in the distance. Then a second light, and a third light, coming nearer to them. Another light behind.

Tomble stirred and panickily awoke Poppy, whispering urgently. They were snakefolk. Poppy looked over at the other boys and snuck over to keep them quiet.
One stopped for a moment and sniffed the air, tongue flickering in the area. It spoke to another briefly before continuing on.

In the darkness, Poppy saw a tree shuffling by. As it walked by, one of its branches grazed her limb. Another caught Glug’s packs. The pack landed noisily. The tree roared as it surged towards the pack, attacking it. Eventually, Glug started to stir, and Poppy struggled to keep him quiet while there was nearby crashing.

They barely made it to the morning. After getting up, they struggled to identify a good direction to walk in. Tomble led them one direction for four hours, and they found themselves back at the same tree.

As they argued more about which direction to go in, a bird landed on a nearby tree. The bird morphed into Nola Treestump. She called them idiots but confirmed that they got the right mushroom. The other one was the White Death and would have killed them almost instantly if they touched it or breathed in its spores.

She led them out of the woods and back to town. After hearing about the snakefolk, Nola became tense. She asked lots of questions and talked in hushed whispers to the march wardens.

A couple days later, they had a fantastic time at the party. There was music and festivities. They each had their two slices of pie and two cups of ale. It was the best pie they ever had.

Notably, not a single march warden was present at the festivities.

A few days later, the four of them were summoned once again to the Tavern. Brightbrows, the leader of the march wardens was there along with the priests and other leaders. As thanks for letting them know about the snakefolk, they offered to train the four halflings in the battle training of their choice. On one condition, they needed to stay the next ten years after their training in Crimmel to protect it.

Year 1385: While training over the year, there was a moment that everything seemed to be sharper, fuller, more ripe. Like they could see farther when they could see the same. After a while, the feeling seemed to pass, but in the wave that passed, anyone who could cast a spell was overpowered. Magic didn’t work quite the same. Like there was a surge. Mages had to learn their spells again. During this time frame, Wally stumbled upon a hut where he thought a wizard lived. This tree was fairly large with a door hanging on the roots in the hillside. As he walked up to the door, he realized that there were no walls, just loose roots with the door hanging. Wally knocked and a gruff voice yelled for him to come in.

The elf man inside seemed like the exaggeration of an elf. So elf-y. Like an elf was multiplied by an elf. Long pointy ears, stupidly skinny. Wally chatted with the man. He told Wally that he needed Wally’s commitment and to prove that he wanted to learn by putting his name on some parchment and quill (where there wasn’t a parchment and quill a moment before). Wally went to sign, but the quill was inkless. The man told him that it required blood. The man got out of the chair, took a nearby knife, and stabbed Wally straight through the forearm. Blood gushed down Wally’s arm as the man asked again if he was committed. Wally whimpered as he dipped the quill in his blood. The letters shone gold as he wrote the letters of his name. He was overcome by a strange sensation. He felt different.

Wally asked if the man could heal his arm. The man thought for a while and asked if Wally’s arm was better. His arm had been replaced with a cat’s paw. Wally told him that it was better now. The man asked Wally to go into the woods about once a week to call for him. And that Wally would wake up knowing the name.

As Wally left, he realized that his arm was no longer a cat’s paw, but there was a scar. Not like a knife wound but like writing in a language that he didn’t recognize.

Poppy was a terrible warrior. All the other halfling warriors mocked her and pushed her around. One day though, someone went too far. They snipped her lock with the ribbon. Poppy didn’t remember what happened for the few hours following, but she was placed with an entirely different set of ragtag halflings who trained with her to make her mad and fight with her anger and then how to fight without being angry.

As the class of 1384, the year of stolen thrones, the whole class got a little throne tattooed on their right shoulder. They all headbutted goodbye, and she headed on back to Crimmel.

Nola was not only a badass druid, but a kickass ranger. She shared her knowledge with Tomble. As part of his studies, he got to ride a bear through the woods, hang from the feet of a giant eagle, etc. Tomble adored Nola as his mentor, and he soon became flabbergasted at how he didn’t realize how phenomenal the words were before.

Nola told Tomble that he couldn’t tell anyone about the snake people and what he saw that night. The yuan-ti used to snatch up halflings and experiment on them.  The snake people shouldn’t have been in the Southern or Northern words, but the fact that they were in the Northern woods meant something was really messed up. It would cause a panic if more people knew. Nola already told some other critical people.

The year passed. Wally was the first one back to town. Tomble was a little pissed. He’d been enjoying not talking to anyone but Nola for over 6 months.

Poppy’s parents and two brothers went crazy over Poppy’s new look and tattoos. Then, her mother tried to comb her hair and fix the ribbon. Poppy lost her shit.

Wally, Tomble, and Poppy reported to Bright Brows at the tavern. Tomble looked at Wally’s staff and angrily demanded where Wally got it from.  Tomble asked Wally where his spell book was, and Wally asked where he could buy a book. Then his back was bothering him, and when he went to scratch, there was a spell under her shirt.

Bright Brows told them that they would be part of the routine patrols that go to nearby cities. Specifically, they would be going to Lluirvale. Then, they would escort different marsh wardens elsewhere.

Glug returned from his advanced training as a cleric and learned how to tap into the Divine. He made pies, and there were always crumbs in his majestic mustache. He more got his holy calling as a home fellow through osmosis after being offered some good food and told that the prayers to Cyrrollalee would make the food taste better.

Captain Bright Brows asked to see the fruits of Glug’s training. Glug handed over a cinnamon apple hand pie. It was good, but they weren’t wowed. Since Glug was still injured with scabs all over his knees, Glug got on his knees in the dirt and slathered blueberry jam. Wally gave a raving endorsement. The remedy made him feel game, and it tasted good, too!

They decided that all four of them would be of use and could go ahead on the routine patrols. Seonni Blackroot, the squad captain, had a couple of scimitars on their hips and a small crossbow. She had a nasty scar on her chin. Seonni looked at them with varying reactions as she took in her new recruits. She reached a hand to each of them to shake. Seonni wiped her hand in the grass to clean off the excess jam after shaking hands with Glug and Wally.

She let them know they would be riding ponies out on patrol after staying the night at camp. At camp once Glug had started, Seonni introduced them to the other squad members: Osmoreldi (priest of Yondela), Njau, Gimbreoli, Jiyli.

For a long while, Osmoreldi talked at Glug (and a glazy eyed Wally) about his priesthood and temples. Poppy sharpened her battle axe and had some gruff conversations about fighting and tattoos. Meanwhile, this was the most social interaction for Tomble in the past year, and he did his best to be invisible.

After particularly spiced dinner, they found unoccupied bunks, and come the next morning, a halfling (Bantlu Underbow) showed them to their ponies. There were four ponies to choose from. They ranged from pretty cute to fugly: CHA 9(Tomble), 7(Brongle - Wally), 13(Glug), 14(Tulip - Poppy).

Poppy’s pony Tulip was white with pink and yellow ribbons woven into its braided mane.

Later, they went to the pub. Poppy’s parents tried to stop her from leaving with the marsh wardens.  Poppy made it clear that it wasn’t a phase and pulled out her battle axe. Her squad came to her defense, and Rory, the barkeep, kicked her parents out.

Nola told Tomble that something was weird in the woods that he would be going through and to bring it up to the master of the woods as soon as he found some evidence or information.

As they set out, Tomble noticed some trees that were missing half of the branches and haphazardly damaged. Upon inspection, Tomble noticed that the damage looked eerily similar to the type of damage Wally’s Wally blast caused. Tomble grabbed Wally by the collar and dragged him over to the trees to chew him out. Tomble threatened to use Wally as fertilizer for those trees if Wally hurt another tree again, and Wally offered to get his servant Gerald to help make the trees feel better. Wally promised to never hurt a tree again.

Later that night, Wally and Tomble were asked to collect firewood by the squad. Tomble turned at the sight of a flash and the sound of a crash as a nearby branch fell to the ground. Tomble investigated, and no one with him, including Wally could have hit the tree from where they were behind him. He looked around for the source, based on the direction the branch fell. The group ran after the source of a nearby fire that seemed to combust from nowhere.

Tomble frantically stepped on the fire and threw dirt on it to try and put the fire out as fast as possible. After spending a few minutes putting out the embers, they lost the trail, but Tomble found tracks (skinny foot but from footwear) leading away back to the road. Tomble and Wally followed the tracks through the dim and darkening evening. Wally tried to help and cast violet Wally Glow, centered on Tomble. As Tomble moved his hands, his hands left an afterglow.

Eventually, they made their way back to the came with some actual firewood. Glug made wake up juice for those on watch. Glug recalled that there was an amazing baker with baking secrets in Fasriul.

On the second night of collecting firewood and taking watches, nothing happened. They took to the stone-paved road. They passed other people who were traveling in the other direction. One wagon clanged with its cargo of dwarven armor. They regaled the wardens with tales of the syrupy dwarven ale.

Further down the road, they parked themselves off the main highway. All four group members went off for firewood collection. The collection was going fine until there was a loud crack. Poppy saw what looked like this blast came from these two lines. Poppy broke out into a run in that direction, and the others followed. Up above was a glow with another fire. Poppy kept running. Up ahead was a glow with another fire. Once again, Poppy kept running. A third fire. As they kept running, another fire would keep getting started up ahead. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Poppy slowed down and looked ahead where another fire was started. She poured her waterskin onto the flame and moved to the next one slowly. Another fire started up ahead. Poppy carefully approached the one ahead, not passing it. Putting it out and then passing it. Another fire started. Poppy walked up, lit a torch, put out the fire, and stepped ahead, keeping the torch in front of her. Another fire started up. Poppy walked up and spent some time thinking. The rest of the party finished putting out the previous fires and joined up. Much farther in the distance, a new fire started up, and when they arrive there, another fire sprouted up just as far away up ahead.

Glug suggested making a camp up ahead at the next fire. As they got there, they found something in the grass nearby. Poppy approached and found a small body. Roughly the same size as a halfling but with twisted features and gnarly toe nails. It had large bites taken out of it. Glug put out the fire. Once it was out, Poppy tried stepping past the fire, but nothing happened.

They headed back towards camp, collecting firewood along the way. Along the way, there was a debate on the correct direction back. Everyone was right except Poppy.

Back at camp, they recounted their findings, which severely concerned Seonni particularly because the dead creature sounded like a goblin. There shouldn’t be any goblins anywhere near here. And goblins don’t go by themselves. Seonni took Tomble to go see the body. Tomble got the captain to the body, and the captain has another fighter bring the goblin body back to camp.

As a druid, Tomble was convinced that the bites were unnatural. This wasn’t the work of an everyday forest animal.

Seonni was not happy and had them quickly break camp to set out. They urged them to get moving for a four-hour fast march to make it to the nearby Fort. Tomble was worried about straining the ponies, but Seonni was distressed and snippy.

As they were trotting along in the night, Poppy spotted something orange far away peeking behind a tree on the horizon. It gave off a soft glow but seemed like it would be up in the air. Poppy nudged Tomble, but he couldn’t quite make it out.

Wally’s ten-foot pole (that he carried because he figured a ten-foot pole was pretty useful because the wizarding school said they wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole).

Poppy and Naju tried to compete to climb up trees the fastest. Naju slipped and slammed down. Poppy slid a bit, but on her second attempt made it up, beating Gimbreoli who tried to cheat by jumping from his horse.

Up ahead was a squarish structure with the light coming from the top of one corner. Gimbreoli pointed out that it looked like a fort, but it didn’t like it was made of wood from what Poppy could tell. The glow was orange instead of the golden yellow from what she saw in the forest earlier. This one was more like a torchlight.

Poppy descended much more gracefully than Gimbreoli. Seonni slowed down their approach.

As they got closer, it appeared to be a solid stone wall, with torches on all four corners. They were all phenomenally tired. Glug saw a halfling-sized humanoid up on top of a nearby hill behind them. Gimbreoli yelled out for them to gallop and flee as he took off.

There was a moment’s pause until in the dim light a horde of humanoids crested the hill, including some towering forms. Chaos broke out as the marsh wardens stampeded towards the fort.

Wally tried to ride towards a nearby unprotected building to protect it, but Brongle veered him towards the fort. The gate was quickly slammed shut behind them.

A halfling came out buckling his leather armor on, demanding to know what’s going on. Seonni filled him in as alarm bells rang were called. There was a scramble as everyone ran up the steps of the wall.

There were shouts of “Ogre!” and “Hobgoblins!”. There were numbers being shouted as the monsters ran straight past the fort and for the inn. (15 goblins, 2 hob-goblins, 1 ogre, 1 half-ogre)

A couple archers popped off shots from the top of the wall, and Wally ran up and shot a Wally blast at the horde, hitting one of the goblins. He fell to the ground, unmoving.

The halflings regrouped and ran after the horde. Seonni instructed their group of four to stay behind and guard the fort, closing the gate behind the wardens.

Wally heard the sound of metal on stone from behind them. Glug went around one way, and Poppy went around the other to go check it out. When they arrived, they saw grappling hooks. Poppy charged and swiped the nearest one off, but there were five more. Glug ran over to her, and Wally started running over. More goblins climbed up, and Poppy was pissed. She raged. Tomble casted Entangle. Poppy made a goblin kabob by throwing her javelin from amongst the entangled vines. Glug booped goblins who were trying to climb up. Tomble and Poppy ran over to help. Poppy sliced the air at the goblin, and Tomble shot out a whip of thorns that wrapped around the goblin’s neck. It bent at an unnatural angle as Tomble yanked it forward sending it tumbling down to the rooftops below.

The last goblin decided it didn’t want to climb up, but Glug still tried to grab the rope to pull it up. The goblin slid down the rope and made a run for it. Poppy ran to the edge of the wall and threw a javelin. The barb went straight through his chest, and he instantly collapsed to the ground.

In the far distance, Wally saw a medium-sized creature was stumbling around, holding something. Wally started to point, and so the others joined him at the front of the wall. They saw the last bit of combat as the wardens were done to the last ogre, with three or so halfling standing. The ogre grabbed something around his neck and slammed it down. There was a massive explosion. Five enveloped what was left of the dusty rose. Wood and debris flew through the air as the ponies screamed. Then, it got quiet.

There was no noise except for the sound of the fire. Glug and Wally decided to go check for survivors, and Poppy and Tomble stayed behind to close the draw bridge and protect the fort.

Glug and Wally started walking towards the fire and heard a baby cry over in the woods to the side where Wally had seen the strange figure earlier. They walked towards the sound and saw an elf man lying on the ground, holding onto a baby. He had a nasty, probably lethal wound, three claw marks across his chest.

The baby looked like a human, but then it blinked. Its eyes closed sideways.

Glug used one of Wally’s five-foot poles and (from a distance) gently poked the elf man and then the child. Wally held a rock that was a lit (by Glug’s light). The elf man moved slightly but did not truly respond. The baby’s blanket fell off from the poke, revealing a large forehead with an emerald embedded between its brows.

Glug asked the baby if it caused the elf’s wounds. It blinked in response. Glug approached cautiously, attempting to swaddle the baby in such a way that restrained its movements. As he picked it up, he noticed that the baby’s ears were slightly pointed. Wally did not see a gemstone on the forehead of the elf on the ground. His leather arm was ripped. The claw marks looked like they would match the size of the half-ogres. He didn’t seem to be breathing. Wally noticed something on his arm, like a tattoo. It looked just like Wally’s!

Wally laid down next to the corpse and aligned their arms. Wally’s was proportionally smaller, but besides the size, they were identical. Wally wondered if the elf was his brother.

A little forked tongue popped out of the baby’s mouth. Glug, in a mild panic, scurried back towards the fort. Wally covered the rear with his pole. Glug yelped for help as they neared the fort.

Tomble and Poppy lowered the draw bridge. As soon as he entered the fort, Glug placed the baby on the ground and took five steps back. As they were closing the draw bridge, Wally noticed a humanoid. It was walking through obstacles.

The figure walked through the door and asked to speak with them. He had a forked tongue and blinked sideways. He told them that they controlled the fate of their people and nation. He also told them that his name was Zannis and that the baby was immune to all magic and hard to hurt, but when the child was upset, strange magical things would happen. He told them that he wasn’t there and proved it by showing that he couldn’t slap Glug.

The figure told them that they couldn’t give the baby to the authorities and Hau Rua, the magical modern place of Faerun, a nation of wizards. If that happened, there would be war and their halfling nation would be destroyed in the process. If they went north, a lizard guide would meet them. Else, in fifteen minutes, the authorities would arrive, and the baby would be the cause of a great war. The lizard folk were already mobilized. They needed the Hau Ruans to not find the child. (They were also told that the child ate meat.)

The baby cooed at Glug as they discussed its fate. They grabbed the ponies to head out. Poppy stayed behind to close the draw bridge and then she shimmied down the goblin’s rope to get down the side and meet up with the others. Poppy haphazardly strapped the baby into her saddle bag and made haste to the northeast (taking the hypotenuse) towards Lluirvale.

They set up camp below the root network of a tree. They dropped a worm on the baby’s face, but it didn’t eat the worm. It made a face like it was going to cry, and lightning arced across the sky. They hooked the baby onto of Wally’s poles and stuck the pole into the ground. Jesus-style. The rest rested.

Poppy woke up with her arms around something. The baby was curled up against her with its hand in her hair.
She tried to push it away, but a voice spoke, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
A 18-inch snake skeleton was coiled up by a couple of dead rabbits. Poppy explained that all was good because now they could leave the baby with the guide. She started packing her bags.

He told them a bad ogre mage names Kaspar was ruling the mountains to the north. After fights with the other races, he was thought to be dead. The ogre was trying to work a deal with other yuan-ti houses and to start a war with the other nations in Luiren. To do that, he found out about the baby and stole the baby through the portal. After killing a bunch of people, they ironically died at the hands of the marshwardens.

Glug had the guy draw them a map to the portal he wanted them to bring the baby to. After drawing an overly detailed map, he pointed to the northern part of the southern Lluirwood. The snake also told them that they were a spy.

The snake (Puppy) also told them that Wally’s tattoo bore the name of his patron (who Wally defended was his teacher) who took Wally’s soul. He said that he could tell them the patron’s name, but Wally didn’t want to her. Tomble did, though. Puppy slid up Tomble’s arm and whispered in his ear the name of Wally’s patron. What was written on Wally’s arm was backwards and backwards.

As rewards, they offered to make all four of them (living, non-prisoner) friends of the vale, give Wally a catpaw, and Glug a bunch of recipes and a pot that make it so that you don’t have to cook the food (Glug asked for the non-cooking pot to be destroyed instead as an unholy item). Puppy also mentioned a stick that could turn into any tool they want.  For Poppy, Puppy said that they could get a long-term agreement that Poppy’s village would be safe from invasion/incursion. For Tomble, they offered to stop the attack on Lluirvale.

They only other creature that Puppy knew would meet them on the journey was their spy friend Trouble. Reluctantly, Glug began to cut up the rabbit into small chunks for the baby. He started putting the meat over the fire, and Puppy bit at him, explaining that the meat needed to be raw for the baby. He bit a piece of the meat and put it gently into the baby’s mouth.

Puppy told them that they referred to the baby as “The Child” and bit Wally as an effort to showcase that they would keep their word on the promises and rewards for successfully delivering the child. Puppy also told them that they were being watched by the yuan-ti like Zannis.

They travelled off-road. Poppy had the baby, and Puppy sat atop Wally’s horse, singing. The group moseyed on through the day.

The child started crying. Poppy panickily pulled it out of her saddle bag and tried to drip water into its mouth. It continued to cry, and out of the clear afternoon sky, a lightning bolt struck the ground 30ft away and began to writhe. As it began to zap around, it left a 50-ft glass lightning bolt-shaped sculpture behind.

Poppy yelled to the others for what she was supposed to do to make it stop, and Tomble responded that the baby needed to burp. Poppy smacked the child’s back a few times. The child burped, farted, and stopped crying. It looked at her happily.

Puppy told them that the baby could in fact teleport over short distances, so the baby would sleep wherever the fuck it wanted. They decided that Puppy could keep watch and the rest went to sleep.

They woke abruptly to bites on their legs from Puppy and the howling of woods. The wolves were easily chased away.

When they woke up again, there was a baby curled up with Glug.

As they continued along their journey, they saw a farmhouse in the distance. Glug and Wally stayed with the baby while Poppy and Tomble scouted ahead. They snuck up to the house and peeked through the windows.

Rather large dogs and goblins all sleeping on the floor inside. They counted 7 of the doggies, but it was hard to count all the goblins cuddled amongst the dogs. There were signs of carnage scattered around, like old people heads. Since they couldn’t keep the monsters inside while setting it on fire, they decided to go back to tell the others.

Glug prepared a small silver mirror.

On the way back, both Tomble and Poppy stepped the same very loud stick that crunched loudly. They relayed the details, and Puppy urged them to leave quickly.

The left quickly while discussing their options. Tomble led them towards a stream. In the small stream, they washed up with soap and changed their direction.

As they continued along, the baby started crying. Poppy tried burping the child to no avail. A mist formed in front of them and pulled into a horse with a horn. Poppy quickly tried giving the child water, and it drank up happily.

The creature looked around confused before walking up towards Tomble. Tomble reached out. The horned unicorn tossed its mane and drew closer. It looked just about to do something as it stared at him knowingly, but before it could do anything else, it poofed into mist.

They heard howls in the distance as they went to sleep. Puppy kept watch. 

They slept soundly through the night. However, the next day, Tomble woke up with something warm on his back. He reached back and felt a small head. Tomble panickly asked Poppy if the baby was eating him. It looked more like snuggling and drool. Tomble dry heaved as he tried to push it off, but his skin where the saliva touched felt different, harder. It was spreading, and he believed that he was being affected by a magical spell like bark skin. Over the next few minutes, tree bark covered all of Tomble’s skins.

Glug looked apprehensively at the carcass of half of a deer, cleanly severed down the middle without blood, as Puppy demanded Glug feed the baby. It almost looked like the half the deer fell there from the sky.

When they asked why Zannis couldn’t just magic the baby to the portal, Puppy suggested that Glug cast light on a rock and give it to the Child. The light went out as soon as the baby touched it and brought it to its mouth. Puppy described it as sucking the light out.

Wally summoned his unseen servant Gerald and asked it to pick up the baby. Nothing happened.

Glug squeamishly and reluctantly cut up the deer for baby rations, praying to Cyrrollalee for forgiveness the whole time.

Eventually, they made their way and came upon a halfling farm. They waved as they passed, and the grumpy halflings looked distrustfully as the group passed. Tomble flipped them off.

It was Wally’s turn to watch the baby, and when it started crying, he cast faerie fire on his pony to entertain it. The baby cried harder. Glug, Tomble, Wally, and Poppy found themselves on their ponies by a dock on a round lake. They saw elegant boats floating in the air with people on them. A mix of people around them seemed healthy, well, and super-fucking magical. Wally and the child on the pony got bigger and bigger, growing transparent, and began to rise 20-50-100-300 ft tall. In the distance, Wally saw a city floating in the distance. The people and skyboats frantically ran away from Wally.

Puppy panickly told Poppy that they needed to stop this immediately by tapping the baby on the gem. Wally reached for a boat. It quickly escaped his grasp. Wally

As he brought his incredibly large hand back to tap the baby’s gem, people appeared in the sky, wearing uniforms. As the baby startled, they found themselves back in their original location. Poppy guessed with Puppy’s confirmation that their teleportation had brought them to Halruaa

As night fell, they made camp and went to sleep with Puppy on watch. A little bit before morning, they work to snake bites. “Get up get up get up!” They yelled.

Poppy woke with the baby and wasn’t too surprised to hear the howling of wolves in the dim light. As they quickly camped pack, two large wolves with goblins on them jumped into the clearing.

Tomble’s vines wrapped around them, but the wargs yanked and pulled free. One charged at Poppy, biting her. She jostled the baby but avoided dropping it as she found her footing after being knocked back. The other warg charged for Tomble, biting into and tossing him to the side. The goblin stabbed his scimitar into Tomble’s side. Wally aimed to protect Tomble and shot a Wally bolt at the warg.

Poppy raged with the baby in her arms and swung her battle axe at the warg that attacked her. Glug cast guiding bolt on the warg before hiding behind his shield and casting sanctuary.

Tomble whacked the warg with his enchanted club. The warg took another bite out of Poppy.The goblin reached for the baby, dropping his scimitar. The warg reared back, yanking the child from her hands. The baby screamed, and his eyes got blindingly bright. There was a loud thump as Poppy blinked against the blindness.

As her sight recovered, she saw two holes going into the earth. Both the warg and goblin were missing two large cylinders of flesh. The warg disengaged and fled. Wally shot a blast at the creature. As it staggered over to keep running, Poppy’s javelin skewered through the goblin and wag and into the ground.

Poppy rushed over to the baby to calm it and awkward pat it in reassurance, but the child seemed comforted. Wally went in for a group hug but was repelled. Poppy’s shoulder really burned, and then it went away. In fact, she felt great after, fully healed.

They all heard a loud whoosh, like a rush of air. Leaves and twigs were being sucked into the two holes going down into the earth from the baby lasers. However, as they noticed it, the air seemed to stop rushing in and was instead starting to flow out.

Poppy tried to place the baby in the saddle bag, but the baby held on. Poppy decided it was in her best interest to appease the baby, so she carried it around while she packed up. Tomble ate some magical pie, and the others picked up camp.

As she mounted her pony, Poppy noticed that there was a distinct heat and glow emanating from the holes in the ground. Wally went over and felt the blacksmith like heat.

As they began to walk away, molten rock was started to shoot out of the holes on the ground, and all of the nearby foliage was starting to catch fire. After fifteen minutes, they could see smoke billowing behind them.

Around halfway through the day, they realized that they were missing Puppy. The rest of the day went uneventfully.

As they set up camp without Puppy, Glug tenderized some meat for the baby and fed it. They decided that Poppy would take the first watch.

It was all dark as Poppy heard noise off in the distance. Voices, mumbling, grumbling and something walking through the words. Poppy woke up the others. It sounded like the noise was going southwest, towards where the group was trying to go.

Tomble morphed into a squirrel, and Glug cast guidance on him. As Tomble ran off, he found the smells and sounds of squirrels. He ran up a moss-covered rock and could see that they were going towards a town.

When Tomble returned, he conveyed that there were 12 or so goblins. However, the group reasoned that it was probably Ammathluir which had 10,000 halflings which could reasonably handle 12 goblins with their marsh wardens, so they went back to sleep,

The rest of the night passed uneventfully, and when they woke up, Tomble felt something under the blanket, curled up against him. As he opened up his eyes angrily about why the baby would be under the blanket with him, he saw Poppy snuggled up with the baby. He frantically threw off the blanket, revealing two snake skeletons.

Puppy introduced the other snake Trouble, who pulled the blanket back, complaining that it was cold.  Puppy had a greenish mark in the middle of his skill, and Trouble had a reddish mark instead. The morning was still a bit cloudy, and they could see that there was smoke rising from the horizon far behind them. 

Trouble slid over to Poppy and the baby. She tried to offer the baby to it, but Trouble slid up her leg and down her arm as it tried to sniff and assess the baby, determining that the baby liked Poppy. 

They saw 12 hills in the distance with a watchtower on each hill, comprising Ammathluir. A spiraling road ran up the hill sides. They couldn’t see any evidence of the goblins from their distance. 

After checking with the snakes, Wally walked with confidence towards the city. Then, after ten steps, he realized that he forgot his pony. He marched back grabbed his pony and proceeded confidently forward again at the head of the group.  

Up ahead through the trees, Wally spotted a tall folk walking towards the city.  He grabbed Poppy to point it out, and she tried in her calmest possible manner to alert the others to the fact that an ogre was in fact walking towards the city. 

They turned their ponies to approach the town from the south and quickly came upon another road. Soon, they came upon an even bigger and elaborate road. Caravans of normal travelers were coming to and from the city’s directions. 

Wally walked up to a carriage with two middle-aged halfling being pulled by a pony from the direction of Ammathluir. They didn’t know anything about the smoke or the goblins/ogres. Wally found a second wagon coming from the opposite direction. The carriage they had just spoken to had stopped to talk with the wagon, and then the wagon of two tall folk (one a large warrior) came clopping up with a full-blown horse.  The warrior leaned on the railing of the wagon to talk with them. Wally asked them about the smoke. 

The tall folk told them that a new hill had formed and smoke rose out the top. They told them that other folk called it a volcano. Wally asked them what was up with Ammathluir, and the tall folk told them about the great stout and all the breweries in Ammathluir. After an awkward conversation where Wally attempted to convey some of the details of their journey, the warrior skeptically agreed to meet them at the Raven’s Eye so that they could buy him a beer from the best brewery in town that was too small and only served halflings. 

They decided to change their path and simply follow the tall folk into the town. Poppy looked around for the skeleton snakes only to have them chat with her from her shoulders. 

There was a thump on Tomble’s lap as the baby threw its head back and gave him a big hug. There was a hole in Glug’s shirt from the baby drool. Glug was also nominated to talk to the guards and let them know about the goblins/orcs.  

The guards did not believe him, so Poppy got mad and called out their incompetence. Wally tried to stop the situation from escalating and check if the guards were under a spell by grabbing the baby from Tomble and shoving the baby at the guard.  

"I have an idea... Tomble, give me the baby" 

[...] 

"I caress the baby" 

[...] 

"I want the baby to physically contact the guard" 

When the guard touched the baby and bonked Wally on the head, the baby got very upset at the circumstances. Wally tried to pat the baby’s head, but it only made the baby cried. 

There was a loud boom, and the baby fell through the air and into Tomble’s lap. Wally was shot 40ft straight up into the air and crashed back down, taking significant damage. 

The guards drew their weapons and told Wally that he wasn’t allowed to do magic in the town because he could have hurt people like the baby. 

"I didn't try to hurt the baby" 

"you just can't hurt the baby" 

"trust me on that 😉" 

"I am a very 'alpha' wizard" 

They moved along, and Glug gave Wally a magic pie to help him recover from the hard fall. 

The structures in the town were all for tall folk and the hills housed the halfling stores and shops. They reached the Raven’s Eye, but they didn’t see the warrior from the road anywhere in sight. Wally and Poppy went in and asked for a room. They thought a human room would be big enough for all of them, but the receptionist Jeteric told them that it would actually be cheaper for them to get two small rooms which each have two beds. Wally slammed the gold for the 2 rooms and the four silver for the ponies onto the counter. Then, Wally downed a beer. Bill, the stable boy/human, took their ponies. Wally funded four copper for Bill to brush out the ponies and pamper them a bit. 

Poppy went to take a warm bath, with instruction to pump the cistern when she was done. Glug went to nap. Wally hung out in the common room. Tomble tried to teach the baby to say “leaf”, instead the baby manifested a banana leaf. The baby handed Tomble a tiny, circular, fuzzy dark green leaf, with thick strands on one side of it. It seemed to be vibrating as Tomble grabbed it. Tomble cautiously pocketed it. 

Puppy and Trouble tried to slither into Poppy’s bath, but she smacked them and shooed them away. 

While he was hanging out in the common room, Wally saw the driver from the wagon. The driver mostly ignored Wally and sat at a human-sized table. Wally walked over and climbed up one of the chairs. Wally asked the human for advice, who in response asked for a beer. Wally ordered them two human-sized beer. The waitress tried to talk him out of it, but Wally got the feeling Poppy would be disappointed in him if he didn’t go for it. 

Wally asked the human for advice on how to take care of babies, especially when they’re like a part of the family and then you have to give them to the snake people. And that he didn’t know how to tell his friends that he thought the baby would be happier in Crimel with them than with the snake people. However, the driver was clearly an irresponsible, paranoid douche who didn’t want to be responsible for children because they grow up and take your stuff. He also mentioned that the snake people wanted them to put the baby in the portal. Wally felt the room swaying. The conclusion was that you should be honest about your opinions, but you gotta think of the consequences of your actions. And the third option was that you go through the portal with the baby. 

The bard was starting to play on stage as Wally slid out of his chair and made his way to bed. As he started making his way up the halfling stairs, but he slipped and fell, banging his chin and blacking out. 

After her bath, Poppy checked in on Tomble, and on her way down to grab two dinners for them, she finds a crumpled Wally on the stairs. She lifts him up to check if he’s okay, and then hoists him onto her shoulder, plopping him down in his bed. She got two vegetarian dinners for her and Tomble, who was still babysitting. 

Poppy woke up with baby hands in her hair and slobber on her back. Wally woke up with a splitting headache and the two snakes. 

Glug slept well and quickly found his way to the kitchen to help them make breakfast, where he grew giddy at their well-stocked supply of spices and the Fournicator 3000 (fancy, human-sized oven). The cook suggested they make salbread. 

The others all slowly started trickling down to the kitchen for food. A common stirred in the common room.  People were gasping about how there had been a raid, and some people were captured by goblins. Poppy mentioned that they had warned the watch, but the watch was incompetent.  

The group all sat in the common room for breakfast.  Trouble and Puppy mentioned about how it was bad because they needed to make sure the wrong people (i.e., the halflings and Halruaans) didn’t find out that they and the baby were there, it would lead to disaster. 

Puppy and Trouble also mentioned about having arms in the past. They explained it away by saying that they hop from dead animal to dead animal sometime. Poppy thought that was 100% reasonable and definitely the truth. 

Glug bought a bunch of spices, and the others all restocked their supplies with the intent of leaving the city now. 

The door to the inn opened while they were eating breakfast, and the warrior from the day before entered with two men following behind. He spun around a chair to sit with them and mentioned about the troubles Wally had shared the night before. He introduced himself as Torch and told them that he wanted to help. He also introduced his friends Stabby and Slashy, mentioning that they served in the Shaaran forces with him. Poppy hid the babby from view.

Glug noticed that the men had a bit of gray in their skin and that all three were armed and wearing leather armor. Stabby had a rapier at his hip, and Slashy had a scimitar similarly hanging. Torch had a long sword and a short sword.

Torch gave the group a moment to discuss, and Tomble quickly gave Wally a mouthful about running his mouth. Wally responded with how Torch had advised that they hop in the portal with the baby.

“I don’t know, Tomble. This is our baby… Family is family.”

As Torch returned, Tomble and Poppy attempted to gaslight him regarding what he heard from Wally, especially around the baby making a volcano. After some discussion, Torch told them about his namesake and how they fought for clan wiltstock.

While they argued about whether to allow the men to join the group, the door to the inn slammed open. A large creature with two trunks and blue/gray skin stood up, the top of the door coming to his chest as he unducked. His trunk humphed  in harmony as he walked across the room to Torch.

He rumbled, “What are you doing here, Torch?”

Torch, who looked clearly intimidated, introduced him as the head of the caravan Kalakmal. Torch asked Wally to explain why he needed their help. As Wally tried to explain, being stopped from mentioning the portal or baby’s magic by the other group members, Kalakmel heard enough and forced Torch to go back to the caravan. Stabby and Slashy were already gone.

The group decided to eat second breakfast, pack elvensies, and then head out. The innkeeper’s wife came out to get Glug’s assistance with cooking second breakfast. Wally felt a stabbing sensation in  his ankle. Looking down, he found Puppy wrapped around his foot. Puppy made clear signals that Wally needed to learn to keep his mouth shut and stabbed Wally in the foot a few times (without doing any actual damage).

After second breakfast, Poppy was packing in her room when Trouble came up and made it clear that Trouble would fucking murder Wally if he spilled the beans again. Then, he instructed Poppy to make that clear to the others less bluntly.

While preparing to head out, Poppy mentioned that she was poor, so Trouble asked her to stick out her hand. Then, Trouble proceeded to regurgitate 20 gold and a red gem.

As they headed out, Stabby discreetly caught Wally’s attention. On the way over, Poppy shared that they really needed to keep anything out of the ordinary a secret and not tell others. By the team they reached the area where Stabby had signaled, they didn’t find anything. Tomble saw Wally accidentally kick something shiny, like a dirty silver piece, on the ground. Sussed out by the coin, Tomble offered the coin to the baby. It sucked on and drooled on it happily, city much and all, before dropping it. Tomble pocked the coin after Trouble and Puppy confirmed that it would be safe now.

As Bill returned their ponies, Poppy noticed how well Tulip had been taken care of. His braids had been taken out, diligently brushed out, and rebraided with its ribbons.

They decided to take the road west and then to pivot off at some point to go south into the woods, minimizing the time they had to walk exposed in the dangerous open plains.

Caravans were before and behind them along the road. Along their early travels, the baby woke up, needing care but overall not too cranky about things. Poppy thought she saw something in the direction of the woods (south) and heading their ways. Like dust being kicked up and small people (almost halfling sized and green) running their way. Wally also noticed two other ones (also with large dog like creatures) running towards them from the north. The snakes mentioned that they were probably being found through scrying. Under his spice mix in his pack, Glug found a weird, painted animal skull with a feather, and the snakes mentioned that an object the unique could be used by a shaman to find them. Glug threw it on the ground and had his pony step on it.

SAVE or CONTINUE?

Looking back behind them back towards the city, there was a small wagon and a extra long caravan even further away (like a mile away).

The goblins and wargs rushed closer. Once they came close enough, a goblin loosed an arrow, which flew soundly straight into Wally’s shoulder. Poppy growled, entering a rage. She grabbed a javelin and threw it as hard as she could. The goblin rocked back, bellowing an angry cry from the hit. Another arrow was loosed grazing Poppy’s arm. Tomble summoned vines to entangle the wargs’ paws, restraining them. Glug shot light at one of the entrapped buddies, who seemed to be a leader. The goblin attempted to throw a javelin but got jumbled on the vines, slicing his own hand in the process. Wally’s arm spasmed while he tried to Wally blast, and the blast went off course and into a tree to Wally and Tomble’s dismay. Tomble reluctantly agreed to forgive Wally this time.

Two more wargs charged, aiming for Glug and Tomble. Glug managed to deflect the bite, but the warg attacking Tomble sunk their teeth into Tomble’s arm. Tomble managed to stay on his pony, but a good chunk of his arm was missing. Tomble wrenched out a thorn whip and yanked the goblin off their mount.

The baby started to cry, beginning to yell. Poppy reared back, and she realized that she could see behind her as her head neared the back of the horse… Because she had an extra eye on the back of her head.

Freed of its rider, the warg leapt up and dragged Tomble up the neck from his saddle. Tomble goes down. Wally screamed, blowing a hole into the side of the warg. Glug yelled at Tomble to remember the taste of strawberries, and it was weirdly effective. Some of the wounds in his neck had healed, and he tasted strawberries.

The leader loosed an arrow, skewering Wally and knocking him from his horse.

Thw baby screamed and began to glow. The light pulsed out, and brightness overcame the area. The goblins shirked as if in pain from the radiance. All the goblins, except the leader, began to burn and shrivel, and some of the injured wargs fell over, unmoving.

Tomble ran over to Wally’s unconscious body and quickly pulled out bandages to stabilize him. However, the light radiated a painful heat, sending him back into death throes.

The baby’s cries continued, and Poppy began to glow silver. With her back eye, Poppy saw a riders from the far caravan running their way.

Poppy tried to soothe the baby to no avail. Tomble ran over with the leaf, attempting to spin the leaf to ease the crying. Glug rushed over to stabilize Wally once more. However, again, the light seemed to burn still, frothing at the mouth.

Tomble felt suddenly more beautiful and charismatic, with flowing luscious locks, but for some reason, like it would only last for 63 days. Unfortunately, the new luscious locks were not enough to soothe the hysterical baby.

Glug noticed smoke rising from Wally’s skin. Poppy tried to bounce the baby, but lost focus. Her finger slipped and her nail went straight into the baby’s eye. It seemed surprisingly okay, but it was very much not happy about it and cried even louder, letting out a shrilling wail.

The baby vanished in . Clouds rolled in at an impossible speed from the horizon, and rain lashed down all around them. Amidst the rain was a thunderous lightning bolt that tagged Poppy. She let out a yelp as the shock electrified her system. Wally also received an unfortunate shock.

Tomble brought the baby (and its 60 ft sphere of light) into the woods. With the baby gone, Glug managed to actually stabilize Wally.

The riders approached quickly as Poppy plopped Wally’s unconscious body on a pony.  Torch led the riders by a decent margin. His horse didn’t even look winded. Torch questioned what had happened and why Tomble was gone. He also mentioned that his fourth companion could heal Wally. As he got close, the companion got off his horse. Torch introduced him as Gentle. After some convincing and asking nicely, Gentle took Wally’s hand in his own. He took out a little whip and slapped Wally’s hand. Glug recognized the man as being a priest of Lavatar (the god of BDSM).

Torch admitted to lying to them previously, saying that they actually live in Dembreth. Under questioning, Stabby admitted to enchanting the coin in an attempt to locate them. Torch offered to let them stay at the caravan’s camp for the night.

Meanwhile, in the woods, the life flashed before Tomble’s eyes as a moment passed where they thought they would be overcome by swarms of insects that would overcome the world. But then, Tomble remembered that he’s a halfling. So instead, he turned into a bunny and charmed the baby into giggles. The baby’s crying subsided, and the light diminished.

Tomble came away with the revelation that the only people that should care for this child are halflings. The risk of failure was too high for other races.

With the disaster averted (for now), Tomble started to head back to his companions. As he departed, he noticed one of the wounded wargs slinking through the darkness. It growled for Tomble to give him the child.

The group agreed to camp with the caravan for the night, but with the agreement amongst themselves that they would take actual watches that night.

The caravan moseyed up. Kalakmal lumbered up, noticing the dead goblin and warg bodies. He expressed approval of the group’s handling and agreed that the group was welcome to share their fire. Until Wally made a comment about Kalamal being nosy (because he had long noses).

They moved up the road several miles and helped setup camp in the company of Kalakmal’s merchant caravan of at least 100 people and 25 wagons.

(BA DA DUM DUM! LEVEL 3)

Glug and Wally sat by Kalakmal at his fire. When he offered them food, they gladly accepted, and Glug even cooked up some additional naan to pair with it. Wally attempted to assist by conjuring a floating disc to place food for Kalakmal to eat from.

Kalakmal complimented Wally’s cleverness and then asked about the portals. Wally panicked and tried to run back to Tomble and Poppy. The disc followed 20 ft behind, hitting people and wagons.

Kalakmal confronted Glug about Wally stealing his food. Glug panickly offered some naan.

Wally asked for help not answering the questions, and Poppy convinced Tomble that he was the right person for the job. Tomble grumbled. Wally and Tomble got a bit lost on the way back to Kalakmal’s fire, but they followed the sound of the unhappy voice.

After evading questions, Tomble reverse unoed to ask Kalakmal where they were headed. Wally smugly nodded. Kalakmal told them that they were going back to the Shar where his family and hers were. Where they are bringing food and supplied to sell.

Kalakmal told them the story of the mad poet. A singer who went between small towns/settlements, singing and reciting, partying with them until they’re all exhausted, and then he kills them. To give the land back to nature, leaving runes on the wall. He also mentioned that there was a reward to prove that you had killed the Mad Poet.

As he finished his tale, Wally disc timed out, dropping its contents. And Kalakmal retracted his statement about Wally’s cleverness.

As they settled back at their own campfire, Wally suggested going to Shar instead. Puppy and Trouble did not like that decision. When Wally questioned whether that was what was best for the baby (to go back) or if it was just what the snakes wanted, a half of rabbit clunked to the ground next to him. The snakes told them that ‘they’ are always watching.

Night comes, and their watches past uneventfully. During the night, Glug found baby hands curled into his locks. Warm drool ran down his necks. In the morning, Torch showed up at their camp. He had a steaming mug that smelled like nuts. A different kind of brew, a morning beverage. Beelnut brew.

He tried questioning them, but Glug adamantly asked about and for the beverage instead. It was tannic like leather, but sweet like cinnamon. It tasted like energy. Torch got him a gift bag with pouches of them.

Torch offered again to help them get part of their way through the woods, but Poppy convinced the group it was a bad idea, given the snake threats. Before they departed, Tomble extended a wee hand for Kalakmal to shake. Kalakmal accepted, and they wished each other well. He told Tomble to look up his clan if he was ever in Shar.

Torch, Stabby, Slashy, and Gentle were riding together when he signaled goodbye to them.

When the snakes signaled, the group headed south off the road. The morning passes.

After a rough morning feeding, the baby decided to stay with Poppy. She did a very good job of comforting it throughout the pony ride towards the woods. Poppy felt very light, like she could fly.

As they continued to walk, Tomble felt a vibration, and as he looked around, he thought he saw a flash of blue and white in the branches nearby.

Tomble panicked as the only thing that came to mind with that description would be a mouther. 😱

After sassing Trouble and Poppy, the group agreed that they should flee, and they galloped away. They zipped diagonally. There was a loud crash behind them, and as they glanced behind, they saw a massive creature clambering after them, running at the same speed as their ponies. It yelled “FRRRRRIIIEND”, and Wally got startled, momentarily slowing down. However, he turned and shot a ray of frost straight into the monster’s uvula.

It slowed down and became gurgly, and eventually, they lost the creature.

They decided to camp just inside the woods. Tomble found a tree that had long since been cut down, and he fumed a little at the idea that the road had been once been woods. The trees had been cut down, and it made Tomble understand the Mad Poet a little more.

They took watches. Tomble’s watch was uneventful, but Poppy’s watch…

They heard a crash, but Poppy couldn’t quite make out what it was. It almost looked like a tree.

Poppy enlisted Puppy and Trouble’s help to wake up the others as quietly as possible. Puppy and Trouble bit Glug and Wally. Meanwhile, Poppy woke up Tomble, hand to his mouth so he wouldn’t yell. They all tried their best to be quiet, but the tree still noticed them, changing course towards them.

Glug sat up, cast a shield of faith on Poppy (smelt like blueberry jam) and Sanctuary and then went back to sleep. And by that, he meant gently crouching. Wally sent a message to Tomble to ask him if he sees the moving tree.

Poppy raged, running up and slashing at the tree. Tomble entangled the tree in vines as Glug ran away. Wally blasted the tree after noticing Tomble attacking it. Tomble whacked the tree with his wooden staff. Glug threw a glowing pebble as Wally blasted it again and Poppy continued to slash. Tomble whacked it again, and the tree fell, motionless.

It suddenly grew dim as Trouble hid the glowing pebble.  The baby was just starting to get upset when the battle ended. Poppy quickly dropped out of her rage and coaxed him back to sleep.

In the morning, they broke camp and started making their way through the woods. The day continued mostly uneventful. The baby stayed glued to Poppy, and he soon grew hungry. Poppy gave him some of remaining rabbit.

Night falls, and Glug woke up with a baby on his chest. As he woke up, reassuring the baby, his fingertips started to glow. As he touched his fingers together, a glowy (faerie) fire shot out towards a tree, encompassing it in light. He got the feeling that he could do this once per day as a bonus action for the next 23 days.

Glug and Tomble noticed something in the distance that looked like snake men creatures in the distance moving from branch to branch. Wally waddled off towards the snake people to see if they were friendly.

Spears were leveled at him and bows were drawn. One grabbed his throat and demanded to know where the child was. Glug cast Shield of Faith on Wally as the snake man tried to bring the sword down on him. The attacker stopped, and they all dropped their weapons, relieved that Glug’s party and the child were nearby,

Puppy and Trouble let the party know that they would be safe as long as they did not give up the child. The baby hugged Glug tighter. They offered the party a deal to take the baby in exchange for lots of gold. The party said no.

The leader tried every day, offering different things, but no food or alcohol. So the halflings continued to say no. They escorted the party, offering safety until they came across another group of snake men.

The new leader demanded they give over the baby. The party said no. He said please. The party said, “Oh, hell no.” He asked them what they wanted in exchange for the child. Glug asked the house the new leader was from and checked with Puppy, but puppy shook his head. So, they said no.

Wally woke up with a weight on his chest. The child was lying there, looking down at him. Wally greeted the baby. And in revenge, the baby gave Wally a second pair of legs. Like an extra long halfling body with another pair of legs at the end. As this happens, the yuanti came up to look on in horror. Most of the party didn’t understand, but interestingly, Wally did. He responded in yuanti that sometimes the baby did this. They hissed in dissatisfaction at Wally speaking their language.

Wally trotted away to go talk to his wizard teacher in the woods. The “teacher” was very entertained but had to punish Wally for not checking in like he promised to. He conjured a mirror. When Wally looked into it, for a moment, his mind went clear, and he realized that he looked and had acted ridiculous. All the sudden Wally was back to his normal self.

Wally said that he couldn’t tell his patron because his mission was super secret, but the patron convinced him that he should tell him so that he could tell Wally which parts to keep secret. Wally recounted everything. His teacher told Wally to be true to himself and that Wally being true to himself was key to his teacher’s entertainment. He conjured a table of food, and Wally ate happily, pounding away the food.

On his way back, Wally’s arms twitched a little, but he didn’t bother to look at it. The rest of the party was out looking for him, wondering why his poop was taking so long and wondering if he’d gotten lost.

They all regrouped and the lizard men led the party up a large hollowed out tree. As they approached, Wally fell flat on his face as his second pair of legs suddenly disappears.

They arrived at the portal, and the yuanti offered them one last chance for whatever they wanted. They said no, so the leader grumbled telling them to just go. Trouble stopped them because a special password was needed.

Then, Trouble told them to step forward. They did, blipping out of sight and appearing in a room. Wally, holding the baby, felt like he was walking through plastic wrap. A weird stretching and pulling.

Four green robes hung on a wall. The baby, Trouble, and Puppy all teleported with them.  From the doorway, a voice instructed them to put on the robes because they stank.

A green symbol of House Extreminos was emblazoned on the robes. Once they had the robes on, the door opened. They were met by the guy who had met them in the beginning. He congratulated them on resisting the wiles of the other houses and making it there. He instructed them to follow him past guards and doors.

He led them towards a raised dais, letting them know that they would be meeting the leaders of all the great houses. Poppy confirmed if their part of the deal was down. The yuanti said yes and that they could leave the baby with him if they preferred. They opted not to and to continue forward.

He opened a new teleporter, and they all stepped forward. They were utterly surrounded by yuanti, of all shaped and sizes. A door led off the platform.

They were announced as those who had agreed to bring the child and have brought the child. A large yuanti with a massive blade on his back walked down the bridge towards them. He bows respectfully to the child and was announced as the heir to House Extreminos. He had all the brashness of youth as he walked up and demanded the child.

The child leaned into Wally and gripped the child a little tighter. He slammed a hand onto the back of the child and yanked the child away, sending Wally flying off the platform. Poppy lunged and barely managed to grab Wally while he was off the edge and yanked him up.

The baby started crying, and it transformed into a warbling cry. The yuanti began to shout as the baby began to glow. The yuanti disintegrated into ash as the baby continued to fly in air.

There was a giant flash, blinding Wally, Glug, Tomble and several yuanti. Poppy noticed that those with swords, presumably non-magic casters, seemed to be fine. A pulse blasted out from the child. It hit and spread around the halfling party, getting more and more intense.

Yuanti were yeeted off their plaforms from the blast and into the nothingness.

The roof above them blasted away as the baby’s cries grew louder. Poppy began crawling towards the baby. A movement above caught her eye. Half of a mountain upside down with a city on it. She crept forward to the baby, and as she stood, the gales bent around her. However, the backlash of the blasts hitting other things still rocked her. She got pushed back down the platform by the force.

As her hands touched the child, they started to burn with a little sizzle. The baby continues to cry, but the cries stop increasing in intensity. In that moment, the other party members became less blind.

The walls were blasted to smithereens. Glug cast calm emotions. The baby looked confused for a moment, like it was eating something. Glug cast it again, and Wally had Gerald also feed the baby magic.

Puppy and Trouble had gotten blasted away off the side of the platform, and floating above them was the upside mountain. A woman floated down with what could best be described as angels, humanoids with wings. They pause above the building as the woman landed on the ground.

She looked around and asked what had happened. She seemed lost in thought as she looked at the child. Then, she asked if she could approach the child. Poppy tentatively agreed. The baby smiled at her.

She got down on one knee and greeted the child. She introduced herself as Midnight and asked the child’s name. They responded that he hadn’t picked one yet. She told them that the child was a god and shouldn’t be there as more beings floated down. An elderly man politely asked Wally if he could be let by. He greeted Midnight with a bow, and she greeted him as Elminster. She told them that the child needed to be raised closer to Mystra, but when replaying the events leading up to the moment, she recognized that the child relied on them to calm down. She offered to let them join her above.

Tomble asked if they had trees. Midnight said yes. Lots of trees. From all Faerun and elsewhere. Glug asked where Ciralalee was. She said with the other gods. Then, he asked if they had brunch. She said yes.

Wally asked Elminster if he wanted to look at each other’s spellbooks.  Elminster politely declined. Elminster said that he would allow Wally in his library as long as he wants once the child is raised to adulthood.

Midnight told Poppy that they could have first lunch AND second lunch. And spar with angels. Poppy was all in.

Two new snake-like beings approached, hovering near the balcony. As they spoke, Poppy recognized the voices of Trouble and Puppy.

The party was flown up. A platform was manifested for the god baby, and they left to go raise a god.